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I am particularly amazed how God often works in a variety of ways at once, in which His grace is "bundled" so to speak. I had heard the text for 1 Easter this Sunday (John 20:19-31), and then I went with my brother and co-editor Jonathan to have coffee with our good friend and professor Steve Hays in Athens, Ohio. It just so happened that Steve brought up the same story in our meeting, proving that perhaps God wished us to engage the text. The text from John speaks of the time a week after Jesus' resurrection, when the apostle Thomas reenters the story and still refuses to accept that Jesus truly has risen from the dead. A week earlier, Thomas had demanded irrefutable proof of Jesus' resurrection before he would believe it to be true. Thomas had to feel for himself Jesus' wounds or else he could not believe. Even though Jesus apparently had miraculously entered into the room while the door was locked, Jesus still saw fit to allow Thomas to analyze his body, providing Thomas with the proof he needed. Jesus' response to Thomas, after Jesus had offered Thomas inspection was, "do not doubt, but believe." Then, Thomas affirmed Jesus' identity as Lord and God. Following that important declaration of Thomas' faith, Jesus recognized that Thomas probably only believed because he witnessed the resurrection, but Jesus said that those who believe without seeing are indeed blessed.  I think that we all have a little bit of Thomas in us all. Some of us become like Thomas when we go through hard times, others after taking a class that challenges us to think more deeply about God. Some become like Thomas when thought paradigms shift, such as in our time today, after the Newtonian and Cartesian worldview of modernism has shifted to a more dynamic postmodern worldview. Either way, most of us go through times when faith is not enough...we need proof and we need it immediately! Thomas symbolizes more than just plain doubt. Thomas symbolizes the deep human need for rational and empirical validation of our beliefs. Indeed, if in the year 2003 my friends came to me saying that a mutual friend that had died was risen from the dead, I would demand proof. I, like Thomas, would want to see this person alive and covered with the same scars that he had before he died. In fact, I think I would even be suspicious if I saw such a phenomenon happen. Even after witnessing such an extremely unique event, I would still doubt. I would doubt my emotional health at the time, and my ability to process facts clearly. Perhaps I would think I was delusional and would be convinced that what I had seen was but a fantasy. Even years later, I would be presented with a dilemma as well: Did this amazing event actually happen? Often as we get older (and even at the "old" age of 26 I know this to be true) we no longer remember the actual events we often speak of, but only the retelling of the stories. It's kind of like we develop our own little oral traditions. I have lately questioned details of very important events that I once firmly believed to be true, simply because I can no longer clearly remember the actual events. However, sometimes our memory serves us better than we know, even though it might need clarification from others who shared the same common experience. |
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I owe this next story to Steve Hays, who has a gift of being able to clearly share his extraordinary wisdom. When discussing this very topic, he told a story about a rather strange memory he had. As a youth in a suburb of Reno, Nevada he remembers seeing an African lion sitting in a station wagon with its window rolled down outside his house. Then he went up to pet the African lion, which he did without getting bitten. Now, such a story sounds absurd to most of us, and even seemed so to Steve, who while clearly remembering the story, began to doubt whether the story actually happened. He finally asked his mother if it was true, and sure enough it was! A lady who owned a restaurant near Reno (Christmas Tree Restaurant...sounds like one I'd like to visit) actually owned these lions, and Steve's mother had become friends with her. And sure enough, this boy in a suburb of Reno, Nevada actually petted an African Lion sitting in a station wagon. If Steve himself doubted such a story, think of later critics analyzing it (including myself, who while believing the story enjoys it primarily because of its uniqueness)!
We all have the capacity to doubt. In many ways, doubting and investigation are survival mechanisms, and if we did not doubt, our species would not have lasted very long. If we did not base our sense of reality on empirical evidence, we would believe just about everything we are told, for good or for ill. We might believe that trolls inhabit Antarctica, or that cats talk at midnight on Christmas Eve. Thomas was not some horribly wicked individual who was an anomaly to humanity; Thomas was...us! The scary fact is that if we took the place of the apostles, we would likely betray Jesus as Peter did, and doubt as Thomas did.
However, Jesus tells us we are blessed if we believe despite not having the evidence Thomas had. It is important to note that Thomas doubted for one week, even while having the miraculous events unfolding before him. Jesus simply told him to believe and not doubt, words that are much more encouraging then condemning. Jesus allowed Thomas to doubt for a while, because He waited a week before he confronted Thomas. He could have found Thomas immediately and proved his resurrection to him, but instead Jesus waited. Thomas was permitted his individual doubt and his struggle to believe, and John (or the Johannine school or whoever wrote the gospel) did not report that the apostles excommunicated Thomas during his individual doubt.
I believe that doubt is completely normal. By doubt, I mean a voice or thought in the back of our heads that seeks to undermine our belief. I do not mean outright denial of the Christian truth taught be the Church, or actively teaching contrary to the truth. Our doubt may even linger for long periods of time, even as we say the creeds or pray the classic prayers. Despite individual doubt being a normal human phenomenon, remember that as Thomas doubted, the other ten disciples believed. Thus, the experience of the majority of the apostles was that Jesus was resurrected and alive. This was (and is) the normative common experience, and is the basis for the creeds of the Church. However, while this is what the Church confesses as true, this is not to say we never doubt the truth of the common experience. I believe in Christ's resurrection, however even I have doubts about that doctrine and many others at times, perhaps in weaker moments, but I do have doubts nonetheless. I am Thomas in many ways (it's even my middle name). We are all Thomas. We demand proof, and are not satisfied until we get it. Jesus gave Thomas a week during the thick of the miraculous event, so think how much time he gives us who were not there! Even though believing by faith is the better way, doubt is a perfectly normal human phenomenon.
However, I must say that faith is very important as well. Ultimately, doubt does not get us very far. While doubting is essential to survival, living the way of cynicism can lead to a life of meaninglessness. Love between two human beings can rarely stand up to the doubt and skepticism that many bring to these relationships. Our skepticism often keeps us from entering relationships, and then if we enter them, we often retreat into cynicism, preferring our skepticism to the faith it takes to make a relationship work. Most meaningful experiences in life require some, if not a whole lot of, faith. Even after Thomas did believe, he still had to have faith, and likely sought the validation of his experiences through the common experiences of his friends. He would surely have doubted the veracity of his experience as his memory faded, and as he remembered only his remembering and no longer recalled the actual event. In many ways, our creeds (The Nicene Creed and Apostle's Creed particularly) are these common experiences put into words, and stand calling us to the faith of the Church even when we have doubts and are skeptics. This is why when we say, "we believe," at times we believe on behalf of the Thomases around us, and even the Thomases within us.
In conclusion, Thomas' experience in John 20 illustrates quite a few points. First, it shows that doubt is a normal human experience. Second, it demonstrates that Jesus is not condemning us for our times of doubt, but he is gently calling us to be happier (blessed) through believing in Him without physical evidence, much as potential love relationships beckon us to leave the comfort of our surety to enter into them. Finally, the text illustrates that the collective experience of the Church is the normative framework for the Church's belief, and that this common framework should not be altered because of our doubts, even though the framework tolerates some individual doubt. (However, I must say that doubt can become a sin when it separates us too greatly from God. The doubt I speak of is an internal and honest struggle with what the Church believes, not open and willful denial of Church teaching. Individual doubt while we continue to worship with the Church is far different than allowing our doubt to destroy our faith and the faith of others.) Just as Steve needed his mother to verify that he actually petted the African lion, sometimes the common experience, that we might doubt, calls us back to the living, but seemingly unbelievable, faith. We all have our doubts, and in a way we are all Thomas. However, as Mark Olson sings in "Still We Have A Friend In You": "There's many things we lost, back in our forgetting you...our ways that cost so much." In the end, we do lose much when we see the world and our beliefs purely skeptically. While I am not advocating a thoughtless adherence to any system of belief, Christian or otherwise, I think that the life of faith is far more rewarding than a life of doubt. Our ways of doubt do indeed "cost so much," particularly costing us meaningful love relationships, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Perhaps this is why after all was said and done, even Thomas ultimately believed. In a shaky and storm-tossed postmodern world, it is nice to know that our occasional doubt is normal, as we are called to faith in Jesus Christ.
Last updated 12-10-2006
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